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Sex Without Sexual Harassment
Are you worried about being accused of sexually harassing a co-worker if
you ask him or her out for a date? Believe it or not, you do not have to
worry. It is still legal to ask out a co-worker on a date and start a
romantic relationship. With all the recent news about sexual harassment
lawsuits, many employees and employers appear to have forgotten this simple
fact, and have become very uncomfortable with the idea of employees forming
romantic relationships.
Some employers have become so paranoid about potential sexual harassment
lawsuits that they have tried to interfere in the personal lives of dating
employees. And some employees have become so paranoid about being accused of
sexual harassment that they have avoided asking a co-worker out on a date,
or left their jobs prior to starting a romantic relationship with a coworker.
Recent court rulings regarding sexual harassment has left most employers
and employees feeling confused about what is and what is not sexual
harassment between co-workers. The result of this confusion has left
employers frowning on the idea of employee dating, and employees left
feeling scared that a coworker dating relationship will put them in the
middle of a sexual harassment investigation.
In order to help reduce the current state of paranoia surrounding employee
dating, I have developed a few dating guidelines for employees to follow
before and during their dating relationship. Employers will also benefit
from the guidelines because they will help them guide and coach dating
employees, rather than attempting to stop or discourage employee dating.
Overall, it is a good idea for employers to develop an "employee dating
plan" to guide them in how to deal with employee dating because employee
dating will likely become even more prevalent in the future.
In just about every organization employees are forming and ending relationships:
co-workers dating co-workers, managers dating employees, and CEO`s dating secretaries.
In general, employers should not develop strict "no dating" policies. Remember
that without the opportunity for employees to develop office romances, Bill
Gates would still be a lonely bachelor. Mr. Gates met his future wife
Melinda French when she was a Microsoft employee.
Employee Dating Guidelines
Before you ask the co-worker in the next cubicle out for a date, first
check to see if your company has an employee dating policy. While there
are no federal or state laws that prohibit employee dating, there are no
laws preventing employers from forbidding employee dating; especially
between managers and their direct reports. Employee dating is more
detrimental in certain occupations than others, so check to see if any
company policies exist prior to asking your fellow co-worker out to the
movies.
"No means no!" One more time: "no" means "no!" Do not repeatedly ask the
same co-worker out for a date. If the co-worker you are interested in
tells you that he/she is not interested in going out with you, do not
continue to ask him/her out on a date.
Develop an office relationship before you develop a romantic relationship.
Take the time to learn as much as you can about the co-worker whom you are
planning to date. Is he or she related to the boss? Is he or she already in
a relationship? Is the co-worker prone to gossip and tells his/her personal
life to anyone who will listen? After you develop an office relationship;
ask him/her out for a business lunch date prior to a real date. A business
lunch will help you judge if asking the coworker out for a romantic date is
a good idea.
Realize that in reality relationships do not work out like they do on TV.
If your dating relationship ends on a sour note, you will still have to
work with the co-worker. For this reason, it is important to start any
relationship out as slow as possible. A world-wind relationship is only
likely to have devastating ramifications for your career.
Agree not to flirt at work. After you and your co-worker are dating, agree
to set up relationship rules for the workplace. Nothing makes co-workers
feel more jealous or insecure than to know that two employees have the "hots"
for each other. So agree not to flirt at work, not to send e-mail love
notes, and not to inform your co-workers or management until you both agree
that it is the proper time.
Develop open communication. When you are dating a coworker you have what is
called a "dual relationship." A dual relationship means that you have two
different types of relationships (business and romantic) with the same
person. It is this dual relationship quality that can make employee dating
potentially conflictual and sometimes downright explosive! So, it is
important that you talk and listen to each other`s feelings about your new
dual relationship. Even if you do not plan on seeing each other after the
first date, still talk with each other about any possible workplace
entanglements that could potentially cause conflict.
Do not be afraid to talk about the topic of sexual harassment. Agree ahead
of time that if either party starts to feel harassed that it will be openly
discussed, and that either party is free to terminate the relationship if
any type of harassment develops. Sexual harassment occurs when an individual
is discriminated against because he/she will not comply with unwanted sexual
requests, must endure a hostile work environment, or is discriminated against
because of special treatment given to a co-worker who complies with sexual
requests.
If you are a manager or have a high-ranking position within the company, you
will need to inform your employer that you are dating a fellow co-worker,
but first read and familiarize yourself with your company`s policies on
employee dating. If the employee you are dating is your direct report or you
are responsible for his/her performance reviews, promotions, work assignments,
or pay raises; you will need to transfer those responsibilities to a
different party. If you are a co-worker dating another co-worker, there is
no reason for you to inform your employer in most occupations and
circumstances. However, there may be exceptions in certain occupations to
inform your employer, so make sure you check your company employee dating
policies.
Once the dating secret is out, which usually occurs faster then you want, be
prepared to confirm the rumor with your employer. Tell your employer that
you plan to keep your relationship professional at work, will not participate
in tasks where a conflict of interest may develop, and will inform your
employer if either dating party starts to feel that he or she is being
sexually harassed.
These guidelines should help keep you from being accused of sexual
harassment and make your employer feel more comfortable about employee
dating.
Happy Working,
Gary Vikesland, MA LP CEAP
Employer-Employee.com
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